Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i believe in u and ur pee
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
