This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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