we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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