i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
