i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
