he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
