How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A bitchslap is in order.
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