I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
