wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
