I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
