sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
