Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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