the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
