can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
