Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
