So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
