This is not my ceiling
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
