btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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