get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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