This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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