My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
