If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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