you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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