Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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