i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
