Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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