you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
