I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
