I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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