it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All the doctor said was why
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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