Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
