dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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