apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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