The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
