My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
