these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
