youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was like eating out sand paper
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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