I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He did a backflip because drugs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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