i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
