One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
