go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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