i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
