the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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