You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
