It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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