Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He shit in the fireplace
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