....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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