I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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