mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize