im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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