if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
