I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
