I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
