I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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