That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
