I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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