everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
