Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
