Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
