i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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