Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize